all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
