it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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