After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
