Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
