see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think your dad took our porno
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
