made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
is wine microwaveable?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
