White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
