I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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