My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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