I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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