im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sext me about skeletons
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
