My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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