the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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