I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
