Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize