he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Dear god my vagina.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
