wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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