My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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