Who wears a wallet chain?!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How does it feel to date your dad?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
