We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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