one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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