She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
