i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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