why do cheetos always look like penises
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
