I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
