I seem to have left my pride at pride
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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