i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
