Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
