I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
