Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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