My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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