i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
