Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
