I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
