Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
