I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
