I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
