We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
