I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize