I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
