just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Randomize
