Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
