just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
