I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
