I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
