He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
