She announced her abortion via fbk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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