When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
