3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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