Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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