I am in a vortex of obligation.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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