i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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