i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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