Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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