CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
