the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up under a house in Key West
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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