he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
