my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
