he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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