So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
