What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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