wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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