I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
