Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
