The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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